The Cake is not a Lie
by Iggymonster
Summary: Alfred gets rewarded with a sexy British boyfriend for doing a good deed. Rated M for incorrect usage of chocolate cake, plain suckiness, and the occasional adult theme. Lime. USUK; yaoi. Human names. One shot. Slut!England...sort of.


**A/N: Before I begin, I would like to say that I am so, so sorry if this sucks, isn't hot, and you feel ashamed. I feel ashamed to be an USUK fangirl right now, believe me. So if I think it sucks then...it's truly my first time writing something 'hot', and I didn't want to go a level up from this to...well, sex. Sorry for unoriginality, OOCness, plain suckiness, and uncreative title.**

**I also like chocolate cake. **

_The Cake is not a Lie_

Alfred came running through the doors to the bakery, and upon entering, he turned into a little kid straight away. He resembled that of a kid in a candy shop with unlimited credit cards and a basic understanding of how to use them.

Except, this was a bakery, and he didn't have unlimited credit cards. He did, however, have a hot British boyfriend that could pay for anything he wanted since had been good lately. Remembering anniversaries deserves awards, children.

His sexy British boyfriend, Arthur, had promised that he'd buy him a huge chocolate cake for remembering that the two had been together for at least a year now, since he forgot all the other anniversaries. Ugh, Men.

"Alfred," Arthur sighed, face palming, not impressed with Alfred's loss of dignity as he excitedly bounced around the bakery declaring that he wanted each and every cake there. Knowing him, he probably could have eaten them all right there and then and _still _have McDonalds for afters. "Please, you're embarrassing not only me but yourself also."

"Are you kidding me?" Alfred replied, still full of so much excitement he could have exploded. "The cake here is so awesome! I could spend all day in here, man."

Arthur sighed again, rolling his eyes and standing awkwardly away from Alfred as he admired all the cakes and pastries on show. He refused to make eye contact with the guy behind the counter, who was probably feeling just as uncomfortable as Arthur was.

"This cake, man," Alfred stared in awe and hunger, "has pink sprinkles on it."

Arthur was starting to regret his decision. "That's very nice, Alfred, do you want it?" He was seriously growing impatient now and starting to mentally kick himself.

Alfred turned and looked at him like he was stupid. "Nah." His excitement for that cake soon wore off.

Arthur growled slightly and muttered something inaudible under his breath. Probably something alongside the lines of 'wanker' but the main point is that Alfred didn't hear it and probably wasn't intelligent enough to truly grasp the meaning of it.

"Then what the bloody hell do you want?" Arthur managed to say it without sounding aggravated, which was just another British advantage. Alfred, clearly unable to read the atmosphere, simply smiled and pointed to a massive chocolate cake protected by a large glass case.

Arthur gazed it and thought, "Yep, that definitely looks like one Alfred would have chosen."

The cake looked delicious – chocolate ran everywhere, the icing dripping down the sides and onto the sponge. Alfred licked his lips and took it down. Arthur watched him with envy – damn him for being so tall and able to reach stuff on the top shelf.

"It looks so chocolatey," Alfred described like a literary God, his sapphire eyes sparkling, the excitement slowly creeping back into him.

Arthur took Alfred's hand and dragged him to the counter to pay for it.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Arthur asked, his tone sounding annoyingly like he was talking to a child. When dealing with Alfred, Arthur almost always found him having to use that tone. He wasn't sure whether or not that was creepy or to be expected. It was like you could never have a serious conversation with him or address him like any other adult.

"Yeah!" Alfred jumped up and down with glee, not keeping his eyes off the cake. Oh how he would soon be enjoying it later, swimming in the divine taste...mmm, orgasmic.

Arthur sighed a little and politely apologised for his boyfriend's behaviour to the guy behind the counter, who giggled a little but accepted the apology.

Upon paying, the two walked out of the shop, with Alfred naturally being the stronger one holding the cake, and Arthur holding two shopping bags from the grocery shop they visited a little while before.

"Man, I so can't wait to nom on this," Alfred mused.

"Yes, I just hope it was worth it," Arthur replied, a slight sigh in his voice, but again, Alfred could never had detected it.

"What do you mean, bro?" Alfred laughed. "Have you seen it? How can you not say it'll be worth it?"

Arthur took a final glance at it and responded softly, "Yes, I suppose you're right."

When the two got home, the first thing Alfred did was run to the kitchen to put the cake down. It was pretty heavy, and Arthur jealously envied Alfred's natural strength. Arthur was practically a weakling compared to him.

Alfred got a plate down and cut the hugest slice out of the cake that anyone could have cut. Arthur, although admittedly used to it by now, was still a little surprised at Alfred's huge portioning.

"Are you sure you'll be able to eat all that?" Arthur asked in disbelief, although he knew it was a stupid question and he knew the answer beforehand.

"Of course, dude," Alfred answered with a huge smile. Without saying anymore, he shoved past Arthur, who was standing in the kitchen threshold, and walked into the living room.

And sure enough, the cake was practically like edible sex.

It may have even better than sex. Alfred could totally see why girls preferred chocolate over it any day – but too bad all his energy had to be spared for Arthur who, last time he checked and as far as he was concerned, was male and had a Y chromosome.

Arthur followed shortly and sat down next to him and proceeded to read the newspaper on the coffee table in front. He stared with disgust at Alfred's feet as they comfortably were resting on it and tutted, although Alfred didn't exactly get the message.

"Dude," Alfred said with the cake in his mouth (which is a huge turn off by the way) and the chocolate everywhere _but _his mouth, "You _have _to try this cake."

Arthur smiled, politely declining it, "No, thanks. I'm not hungry."

"But you have to!" Alfred whined, a grin forming on his face that was enough to make Arthur's hormones go insane, "I'll even let you share this slice with me."

Arthur thought watching Alfred eat the cake was painful and wondered how on earth he could manage to eat such a huge slice. He reckoned that he could only have gotten through half of it, if not less. But the one thing truly bothering him was how much Alfred had missed his mouth by.

And the smirk on Alfred's face wasn't doing good for his tensions.

"Hey, Alfred," Arthur piped up with a smirk of his own, his voice with a sexy tone he had probably been practising before trying it out for real, "You seem to have some chocolate on your face."

Alfred stared at him pretty straight faced and replied solemnly, "Oh, I do? Well, I guess I could wipe it off or something..."

"No need to worry," Arthur interrupted, leaning closer to Alfred's mouth. He was so close to his face that Alfred could practically feel Arthur's hot breath come into contact with his skin, sending pleasurable shivers up his spine. "I can get it off for you."

Alfred closed his eyes and bit his lip; the way Arthur sounded was making him start to go insane, and was hoping that, for his own sake, that Arthur didn't mean what Alfred thought he meant.

But oh God, the way he said it...

And the sexy British accent of his...

Alfred then felt as Arthur licked off all the chocolate on the right side of his face, feeling weird but satisfactory emotions run through him.

"A-Arthur," Alfred whimpered, feeling his heart race.

Arthur loved the way he had made Alfred say his name like that, and he was starting to think how much fun he could have with this. "Hmm? If you don't like it, then I will stop."

Alfred gulped and quickly yelled out, "No, no! It's fine! Continue!"

Arthur flashed Alfred a cheeky smirk and a glint in his eye Alfred had never seen before. So there _was _a feisty side to him after all whilst he was sober. Wait, he _was _sober, right?

Alfred hoped that, for the sake of both of them remembering it, Arthur was sober and this was true emotions.

Arthur took the half finished cake out of Alfred's hands and placed it on the coffee table. At the same time, Alfred took his feet off of it and put them on the floor to get more comfortable.

Arthur then moved to the left side of Alfred's mouth, making sure to not miss one spot. In order to do this, Arthur had to sit on Alfred's lap, which he was. So basically, there was no hiding how much Alfred was benefitting from this and how much he was enjoying it all. Who wouldn't want a hot British boy to lick chocolate off of their cheeks?

When Arthur had completely licked it all off, he moved his tongue into the centre of it all – Alfred's lips. He pressed his lips against the American and waited for a few seconds before Alfred kissed back with more passion and force.

Arthur wrapped his arms around Alfred's neck as he went deeper into the kiss, opening his mouth and teasing Alfred with his tongue.

Alfred opened his mouth to approve of Arthur's entry, and the two fought for domination in each other's mouths. Arthur would tease him every now and again before slyly moving his hands up and down Alfred's shirt.

Alfred gasped when he first felt Arthur's furtive hand slowly unbutton his shirt but didn't complain and focused on becoming the winner of this tongue war. He was starting to sweat – he had no idea that Arthur could be so naughty sometimes.

Arthur broke away from the kiss first and looked deep into his lover's eyes, panting slightly before bringing back his breath to smirk and raise an eyebrow. Alfred was panting a lot harder than Arthur was, and was starting to be driven over the edge.

Arthur slowly moved his hands down Alfred's bare chest, caressing it before winking and picking up the chocolate cake.

Alfred stared at him, confused by his boyfriend's actions.

Arthur positioned himself on Alfred's lap so that he resembled that of a whore, which only made Alfred even more crazy and desperate for him.

Arthur held the plate with such poise and grace that it was hard to believe he wasn't female. He dipped his finger into the icing and slipped it into his mouth, keeping his eyes on Alfred the entire time.

Alfred was starting to like what was going on, although it was oh so confusing. But hey, he had an amazing boyfriend there to entertain him, so that wasn't all too bad. Besides, there was chocolate cake involved!

Then, Arthur suddenly slammed the cake onto Alfred's chest, not caring that some of it got on his unbuttoned shirt. Alfred looked down with bemusement and finally got his breath back in order to speak.

"A-Arthur," it came out like a moan. "What are you gonna do?"

Arthur's sexy smirk returned as he said mischievously, "Now that I think about it, that cake does look good."

Alfred moaned as Arthur went down and licked the chocolate off of Alfred's chest, teasing all the right spots on his chest simultaneously. Alfred closed his eyes in ecstasy and lavished in the fact that Arthur's tongue felt amazing as it brushed on his bare skin.

He knew somewhere else he'd like that tongue, although he wasn't entirely sure if Arthur would have been up for that.

Once Arthur had completely wiped off all the chocolate, he took his hand and moved it to said place. Alfred yelped out in shock, his heart beating faster and faster.

Arthur began to slowly tease the spot, stroking it through the fabric of Alfred's jeans. Alfred's breath became hitched as he felt immense doses of pleasure run through his body.

Alfred, feeling hornier than before, then took it upon him to be the one to kiss Arthur and the two had a repeat of what happened earlier – dominating each other's mouths with their tongues. This time, Arthur had his hand on Alfred's crotch, rubbing it, making Alfred impulsively moan as they kissed.

Arthur suddenly stopped both the kiss and the rubbing, which made Alfred surprised.

"Hey, why'd you stop?" Alfred almost sounded irritated.

Arthur smirked, "Because I was only teasing you."

"But that's so cruel!" Alfred yelled, trying to resist the urge of finishing himself off, despite the urge becoming stronger and stronger.

Arthur giggled. "Good things come to those who wait, Alfred. But...happy anniversary, Alfred."

Alfred smiled uncomfortably, looking up into his lover's gorgeous green eyes.

"You too," Alfred replied, at a loss for words. Arthur, still with that smirk plastered on his face, got off of Alfred's lap, took his hand, and pulled him up, forcing him to stand.

"Now, come," Arthur instructed, taking out handcuffs from his pocket. "We have unfinished business to attend."

Alfred's eyes gleamed with the same sparkle and excitement that had been present back in the bakery.

Because chocolate cake simply wasn't as great as a reward as a sexy, horny Brit that carried handcuffs around.

**A/N: Be honest; it sucked, didn't it? I would have loved to continue this but I suck at writing hot stuff. Feedback is highly welcome, but I know I won't get any because you're too afraid over how lame this was.**

**Anyway, I'm going. Because it sucked that hard. Hasta La Pasta~!**


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